Nor
did I wish to consider whether my separation from those I had known I upheld
for their protection. That they should not know what had occurred.
I had
not assessed. After a lifetime of searching, probing, seeking within my
consciousness for the seeds and the wendings, the causations and buddings
of my thoughts and my feelings. A lifetime of reasoning and speculating,
penetrating ahead and behind not merely to provide for myself but to ensure
the safety and then the worth of others' lives. Those who had been dependent
on me. I had been their rider.
Unlike
some riders I had found myself in the service, and more, in the ultimate
position upon the ship Rachella. Rogue riders, independent riders, intermittent
riders, took up each job according to whim and desire and reward. But those
in the service were commited to it. Selfless that might seem at times
but it was not for we sought the satisfaction and rewards of aiding the
service and those who sought its aid and that was our primary payment.