Perhaps I should have messaged them. A better option would have been to
see that they had word of me through an untraceable source. No blame could
fall upon them then.
And perhaps that was odd and unserviceable behavior on my part, I for whom
the service had been all for all of the life I cared to remember. But I
had acted oddly, uncharacteristically, during these cycles since the severance.
I had been changed and had reacted and had changed more. That may have
been a fault in me, a lack in me of qualities and strengths which I should
have possessed. It may have marked a smallness, some mean, bitter gall
grown upon the heart of me I had not known that I possessed.
whatever reasons and with whatever justification I had held myself apart
from all that I had known.
that was the way I would survive.
had survived but whether it was I and whether it was a worthy entity and
1 liable to better life upon this planet I could not say.
did not wish to. Did not wish to consider it.