It would have to be a big one,
A giant horny love gun,
To make me be a jock.
Girls would never beg my pardon,
They would turn on to my hardon
If I only had a cock.
Oh, I can tell you now,
the number of times I'd score,
I could fuck girls like I never have before,
and then I'd cum (wee!)
And fuck some more!
I would not be just a housewife,
Living a little mouselife
In days that drag out long....
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a dong!
(I forgot this verse)
Oh, I can tell you why
A man's life is too tough
I would rather be a gorgeous sexy muff,
Because I don't
Cum enough!
I am tired of being HeMan
Bloated up with semen
A one-orgasm tough
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a muff!
Get a parsnip, fuck a parsnip
maybe i'll rape two
that's why i love vegetables
you know that you'll come, too.
They're dependable
they are bendable
they're the best pal a virgin's ever known
While with human beans,
they aren't quite so keen
every one i've ever met is full of shit
sexual pits
So plant a big one, plant a huge one
right between my thighs
you can always buy a squash in any shape or size
They don't get jealous
don't cost too much
and don't leave a mess
and if your mom walks in then you can hide it in your dress.
Every cucumber,
every broccoli
always ready to serve your every need.
while with hunky guys
they're so full of lies
for as soon as you wish that he would never stop
it's down he'll flop
Life is merry
if you have a
vegetable to twirl
a girl who plants a garden is a very horny girl.
(No offense is intended by the previous songs to either sex or orientation, or vegetables, even.)