From: gnu@hoptoad.uucp (John Gilmore) Subject: Urine Trouble (song)
I was visiting an old friend in Raleigh last week and listened to his band, Four Who Dared, practicing one of their latest songs. They were kind enough to give me a copy of the lyrics for your edification and amusement.
There's information in your wee-wee
Reveals the secrets of your lifestyle
Detects if you've been smoking thai weed
On alternate Fridays in the middle of the night
(Chorus 1)
We need a sample of your yellow discharge
So go into the bathroom and fill up this jar
We'll send the sample to the boys down in the lab
Dressed in plaid,
How drab
They've got your bladder on the witness stand
The perpetrators are among us
Their numbers growing like a rampant fungus
They think their habits are private
But urinalysis will clearly deny it
(Chorus 2)
You're in Urine Trouble
You're in Urine Trouble
They've got your bladder on the witness stand
A memo from the office of the president
We must submit or he'll fire the whole darn bunch
This executive decision
Arrived at during a three martini lunch
(Chorus 1)
"Jones, I'd like to see you in my office right away!"
"Y-yes, sir!"
"Close the door behind you, Jones"
"R-right away, sir!"
"Miss Nelson, hold all my calls"
"The fellas from the lab have submitted this
It's a list of the substances in your piss
It seems your performance, while fine on the surface
Is really just a front for your deviant purpose!"
"I can't believe we made you employee of the week
When all the while you were a closet freak
You thought you could hide behind your perfect attendence
Just to conceal your drug dependence!"
(Chorus 2)
There's information in your wee-wee
Reveals the secrets of your lifestyle
Detects if you've been smoking thai weed
On alternate Fridays in the middle of the night
(Chorus 1)
"Oh No!"
"What's wrong?"
"Remember that joint I toked last month?"
"Yeah"
"I think I'm having a flashback!"
"I want to operate heavy machinery!"
"I want to cause an industrial accident!"
"I want to exercise poor judgement!"
"I want to unwisely make a critical decision!"
You're in Urine Trouble
You're in Urine Trouble
They've got your bladder on the witness stand
You're in Urine Trouble
You're in Urine Trouble
They've got your bladder on the witness stand